Parenting Through a Child's Eyes and Back To Work

I love listening to my children "think things out" as they grow up. I have notebooks from when the older three were small, filled with things they would say that I wanted to remember. Poor Rae doesn't even have a baby book filled out. Or scrapbooks with her pictures in it, as she loves to remind me. She is the fourth child!  Rachel has always seen things a little differently. I say she sees life in " black and white". The other day we had several "typical Rae" conversations. * Sorry about all the quotes. I guess I am in a "quote" kind of mood this morning. It is 4:00am and my mind is racing*

I picked Rae up from school and she began a conversation about a girl who she has felt hasn't always been "nice". We had been talking about ways to make it better for several weeks. I think its just a case of girls learning that everyone can be friends. Drama, Drama and I don't feed into it.

Rae- Mom, she argues with her mom! Her mom tells her to do something or that she can't do something and she keeps arguing.
Me- Well, Rae, that sounds like someone I know. Haven't I been telling you that you have been talking back to me? Now you know how you sound to other people.
Rae-Mom!You don't understand! She sounds so disrespectful!
Me- I know, Rae. You sound disrespectful when you argue with me.
Rae- But , mom, she keeps it up and her mom gives in!
Me- Well maybe her mom gets tired of hearing it and does give in sometimes so she will stop.
Rae- Mom! That's awful. If your kid is being disrespectful you can't give in! Mom, please don't ever give in to me when I am acting ugly.Please!
Me- Sure, Rae, I will do my best.

I do try to stay serious in these conversations. Its amazing to me how her mind works but isn't that what all parents think?

Later on the same day we were walking out of the store behind a mom and her little boy. He was maybe three or four years old and I was half listening  to their conversation but obviously Rae was doing a much better job of ease dropping. We got in the car and she felt it was time to have another serious discussion on child rearing.
Rae- Did you hear that mom? She was saying that if he was good at school tomorrow and not hit his friends  he could have a cookie. That he has to stay on green and not get on red like today.
Me-Yes, sometimes little ones have to learn what is okay and what is not okay to do.
Rae- But he had a slushie in his hand. Why did she get him a slushie if he got on red at school?
Me- I don't know. I do know that you and your sister managed to stay on green most of the time but your brothers moved to red sometimes. They had to learn.
Rae- But hitting??
Me-Well, they didn't hit to be mean but Tyler played too rough when he was two years old in preschool. Rae, what would you do if you were his mom?
Rae- I would spank his butt and tell him " no hitting"!
Me- And if that didn't work?
Rae- I would spank him again and take stuff away! I would feel horrible. I would find the parents of the kid my boy hit and apologize and tell them my kid is going to learn not to hit!
Me- And if that didn't work?
Rae- well.....I wouldn't buy him a slushie! I do know that!!

I had to laugh then. That day Rae was taking it all in. I love when she lets me see things through her eyes. Parenting is not easy,kiddo.

May 21,2013

I can't thank everyone enough for the kind messages, good food,prayers,hugs,etc. I have been blown away by all the love received. The amount of people that came to the funeral home and then today at the funeral service was beyond amazing. T...here was a point in the service today when I was consoling Rae that I said "look behind you. All of these people are here because of Tyler and want you to know they love him".
Now the hard part really begins...getting back to life without him. School events, baseball,paying bills, and running errands. It terrifies me. I don't know what I would do if he had been my only child. Crawl into bed and not come out. Not an option for me.
Really wanting a Philip Tyler hug

Football Senior Night

 It was pure Hell. That about sums it up. People were so kind about the whole process. My brother in law, Kenny, cooked the pregame meal for the team in Tyler's honor. The ladies in charge of the night kept me informed and included him without pushing me. Others called or texted me to let me know they were praying for us. More friends came to the game to surround us with their support.As a friend and I discussed(she is also a grieving mom)we want our children remembered and cherish the times they are honored but sometimes it is just so damn painful. To go through the special times that they are supposed to be here for and that they were looking forward to...it is excruciating. Last year when some of Tyler's best friend's stood on the field on senior night, he reminded me with his big goofy grin that it would soon be him and gave me a reassuring hug.

I knew I would like his baby picture to be hung on the fence with the other senior boys. He would have been telling everyone to look how big he was at nine months old. I knew I could bear wearing a corsage so that everyone at the game would know I was a "Senior mom". But standing on that field without my big boy while they read his accomplishments? Knowing those would be his last accomplishments? Hell no. This mama has her limits and I knew that was way beyond them. I knew it would be one of the hardest things I have ever done to be in the stands and look at the proud parents with their sons. To be honest, if Peyton had not been playing in the game, I would have been far from the stadium on that night. So what do my children do? Peyton, Rebekah, Rachel, and Kaytlin did what this mama could not do. They chose to stand on that field, with Peyton wearing his brother's number with pride, to honor the young man that couldn't be there himself.  It was HELL but I hope Tyler sat in Heaven looking down on us and knew that we did the very best we could do on a unbelievably impossible night. I believe that is all I can say about Senior night at this time...

The pictures aren't that great, but I didn't want to use the professional pictures until I pay for them

Tyler and some of his senior friends last year

 



 

 

May 19,2013

It's been a long hard day.I want to let everyone know that I am reading all of the texts,personal messages, wall posts, and emails. There are too many to respond to,which I am grateful for. My baby touched many lives and would have touched... many,many more. Friends and family have rallied around us. We have had food brought, house cleaned,yard cut,clothes washed, socks matched(yes,that was not a small job in my house), and a lot of hugs given. Tonight I had a houseful of teens telling Tyler stories. I dread when the house is quiet and his absence is completely felt. I hope you all know I would have been at the school tonight. I just couldn't do it. Tomorrow and Tuesday I will be ready. Hug your babies tonight. Many have left messages on Tyler's phone. They are hurting...Love you all

 

 



First Varsity practice Tyler and Peyton had together. They were in 8th and 10th grade. Coach Prisant captured this precious moment with his phone. Many people thought this picture was "staged" but it wasn't. Tyler was probably giving advice or just loving the fact that his brother was finally on the field with him. Tyler was very demonstrative with his love.

Catching Up and Tyler's School Memorial

The last few weeks have seemed to fly by. My dad's birthday was the day after Tyler's birthday and we celebrated with a family party at our house. He has spent  many birthdays where we combined his party with Tyler's , therefore he had a hard time enjoying it. He would rather have skipped the day but Tyler would want us to rejoice in having another birthday to spend with his Grandpa.

 The kids painted pumpkins to decorate Tyler's grave. I didn't get a picture of all the pumpkins at Tyler's resting place but I did take Rae to give her pumpkin to Tyler. It was the first time Rae and I had been to the cemetery since Tyler's funeral. It was tough for both of us but I am glad we did it. It did open my eyes to the fact that we need to get his headstone but that's a whole blog post by itself.

Rachel performed in the fall chorus concert. I love to see her on stage having fun and doing what she loves.

Rae dressed up as a Minion from  Despicable Me for Halloween. It was the first year since becoming a mother that I didn't go Trick or Treating with my kids. I had nose/sinus surgery on October 30 and couldn't leave the house to take her. She went with a friend and I am sure she had more fun that way. I did get to take her to a Halloween party the weekend before though.

August 22,2013

It's 10:20pm and because of the school picnic and softball practice, Rae has just finished her HW. She is now sobbing that she is too tired to do the 30 min of reading that she is supposed to do for school. Last year I would be completely stressed out and she would be reading anyway. Funny how my perspective has changed. We will learn from this but we are done. We have no more to give to this day...goodnight,Rae Rae.
Another pic from the past,baby girl Rae

Happy 18th Birthday,Tyler

How will we get through this day without him? He is supposed to be here teasing me because I hated him growing up soo fast.. "Mom, I am almost eighteen", he would say. I would give anything to watch him grow up too quickly. The pain is immense and there are no words to say. I will share the pictures he had picked out for his Senior slide show(he came home after helping Bean pick his out and looked through baby pictures) and from his "last" birthday. I miss my "big baby boy'

First day

about six weeks old

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
First steps-9 months old                                                                  

            First birthday party

Three years old

                                                    
                                                                  Kindergarten

                                   


                                

                                

 

 

                                                       Seventeenth Birthday