Up..Down..Up..Down

That is how my emotions have been today. Well, nearly every day since Tyler's accident. I wake up and I have a few minutes before it hits me; he's gone. I get busy with the kids and all is good. At least most of the time; I do have teenagers! I spent the day keeping busy with housework and projects around the house. I have some upset moments but in general it was a "functional" day.

I pick up Rachel and I am thoroughly enjoying her chatter when I make a big mistake. I get the mail. Four months ago we loved getting the mail to see what had come for Tyler that day. He liked receiving mail from colleges but loved getting college football correspondence. He was so focused on playing college football and now we get daily reminders that there is no one to open all that mail. Fortunately I had Rae with me and we had several things to get done before we headed back to school. We needed to hurry because it is ....

Game Day!!!
I love watching Rebekah play softball and she hadn't played since last school season. She usually plays year round but took this past season off and this mama was ready to see her girl in action. Kaytlin , Tyler's girlfriend, is playing on the school team too. She has never played softball and did great!. It was a fun game and I couldn't be more proud of our girls. Both girls had an RBI(Bekah may have had two) and the team won 13-3. Also Rae got to be the bat girl and wear the #8 jersey because it was too small for the "big girls".

Kaytlin and Bekah

Kaytlin was photo bombed by Rebekah

Next on the agenda was Rachel's softball practice. All was well until a new parent asked the dreaded question. "How many siblings does Rachel have?" No matter how I answer it leads down a path that I didn't feel like going down. That is a whole other blog post...

Rachel and I get home and the rest of the family is still at the school because of the football social. I hurry her into the shower and I do the dishes. I barely get done and my baby girl has her own down moment. She crawls into my lap, wet from the shower, and sobs for her biggest brother. All I can do is hold her until she is cried out and minutes later she is playing with the puppy and giggling.

I am sitting at the kitchen table next to Peyton, listening to him sing along with his music while he does his homework. Definitely an "up" moment in my book.
I have survived another day without my firstborn. I know the emotional ups and downs are my new normal. I get to do it all over again tomorrow and I pray it is a "functional" day.