August 22,2013

It's 10:20pm and because of the school picnic and softball practice, Rae has just finished her HW. She is now sobbing that she is too tired to do the 30 min of reading that she is supposed to do for school. Last year I would be completely stressed out and she would be reading anyway. Funny how my perspective has changed. We will learn from this but we are done. We have no more to give to this day...goodnight,Rae Rae.
Another pic from the past,baby girl Rae

Happy 18th Birthday,Tyler

How will we get through this day without him? He is supposed to be here teasing me because I hated him growing up soo fast.. "Mom, I am almost eighteen", he would say. I would give anything to watch him grow up too quickly. The pain is immense and there are no words to say. I will share the pictures he had picked out for his Senior slide show(he came home after helping Bean pick his out and looked through baby pictures) and from his "last" birthday. I miss my "big baby boy'

First day

about six weeks old

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
First steps-9 months old                                                                  

            First birthday party

Three years old

                                                    
                                                                  Kindergarten

                                   


                                

                                

 

 

                                                       Seventeenth Birthday

They are Worth Every Minute of Stress

It has been a while since my last blog post. The last few weeks have been stressful and unfortunately I haven't handled it too well.

Rebekah was voted onto the Homecoming court and we loved seeing her so excited! Then came the hard part; finding dresses. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a "girly girl". At all. Finding two dresses for her, one long and one short, was much harder than we expected. After hunting through many stores and finally ordering online and many alterations, we had dresses. Things weren't perfect but she looked beautiful. We also learned a lot about the "girly" process and will be much more prepared. I have joked that I will begin getting her ready for prom in January. That might not be too far from the truth!

Friday night during the Homecoming game my mom fell and broke her wrist. We spent much of the night in the ER having X-rays taken and having it set back in place. She is in a splint and I will take her to see an orthopedist tomorrow. I am sad to say that this has made my mom decide to not go to Disney with us in November. We are all extremely disappointed but I think it is probably the best decision. I think this means that I will need to take her on a short trip during a time that is not as busy. I think I can make that sacrifice.

Rachel did have her first appointment with a child psychologist. I met with him the week before and really like him. He said she answered his questions as if weighing every word to answer correctly. I asked her afterwards what she thought about going to see him. She said it's hard to sit on a couch and talk to a strange man. We are hoping that she eventually feels comfortable enough to open up to him about what is going on in her head.

This upcoming week will be a little out of the ordinary for us. Rebekah left this morning to go on a field trip to Skidaway Island. She will return on Wednesday and then leave Thursday morning to go the beach until the next Monday. Peyton does not have school this week and will be doing community service most of the week at the Samaritan  Clinic, a clinic that provides free health care. Dean will be out of town for work. Rae has school through Thursday but I will be a fairly quiet week for us.

 

                         

 

 

 

June 24,2013

"More ramblings...As I clean Tyler's room in preparation for moving Rebekah into it, I talk to him. I don't want him to think that I am "forgetting" him or removing his "essence". I know some people don't touch their "lost loved ones" things for years. I can hear Tyler in my head "mom, move her in. Use what space we have" he knew the moment he went to college his sister would have his room and never thought anything of coming home to visit and sleeping in with Peyton or on the couch. I will keep talking to my boy as I clean....this picture was taped to his wall"

I always wondered why he kept this picture on his wall.
He only hunted until Peyton started hunting with Dean.
Almost like he didn't want Dean going alone.

Peyton Turns Sixteen

I can't believe Peyton is sixteen years old. It seems like it was just yesterday that he was terrorizing the house, throwing things. Never mind...that was yesterday! All of my kids were so different going through the baby and toddler phases. Peyton seemed to either be sick and laying around or completely wild. He threw everything we handed him in his first three years. He threw books, cars, Legos, and of course balls. Rebekah even had a black eye on her first birthday because he had thrown his Sippy cup and she happened to be in the way.  I worried that he would never play normally but eventually he did. Sometimes. The other thing that comes to mind when I think of him as a little boy is the trouble he and Tyler would get into. Tyler put him in the dryer to see what would happen. Another time I caught him on top of a chair with books stacked to make it taller. He had his head in the freezer and Tyler was trying to shut the freezer door. Another time they shaved Peyton's eyebrow off when taking a shower. I promised I watched my boys but they were fast!

He has grown into a stubborn, sweet, empathetic, helpful, funny, smart young man. We are so proud of the person he has become and is still growing into.

(I had the hardest time putting pictures on the Blog today! They never did arrange correctly..)



About a week old

First kisses from big brother

Peyton almost 2 years old

They loved bath time!

                                             

                                                            Last day of eighth grade



                                                                                                            

                                                                      Ninth grade

                                                             Fifteenth birthday

June 14,2013

I wrote this months ago but it still happens. Probably always will. I will be feeling completely "normal" and all of a sudden the "loss" hits me. I will feel the ache, heart beating out of my chest, and want to scream. To say I "miss" my boy doesn't accurately describe it.

 

 

"There are harder days and harder times during the days and so forth. Nighttime is difficult because that is when he would come in from Kaytlin's or wherever he had been that day. Sometimes the sinking sadness hits me and I am not prepared or expecting it to be "triggered". The other night I went to a movie with friends. I kept checking my phone during the movie,couldn't figure out why I was so anxiously waiting on a call/text. I just couldn't stop myself from looking at my phone screen. Then it hit me. Tyler ALWAYS called/texted when I was in a movie. Didn't matter if I talked to him before it started. He never failed to interrupt. Used to drive me crazy. He was very impulsive and would need to tell me something immediately. He would be sorry to interrupt but couldn't stop himself. It never failed to drive me crazy...."

Tyler went out to eat with his Spanish class. He told them(even his teacher) that it was his birthday so that they would sing to him

Four Months

Before May 18th I never thought about not seeing one of my children for four months...or a life time. I miss him so much...if he were here, he would take one look at me and say "You look like you need a hug" and wrap me in his big arms...

a favorite-about 8 years old
 



last picture taken-three days before he left us