June 14,2013

I wrote this months ago but it still happens. Probably always will. I will be feeling completely "normal" and all of a sudden the "loss" hits me. I will feel the ache, heart beating out of my chest, and want to scream. To say I "miss" my boy doesn't accurately describe it.

 

 

"There are harder days and harder times during the days and so forth. Nighttime is difficult because that is when he would come in from Kaytlin's or wherever he had been that day. Sometimes the sinking sadness hits me and I am not prepared or expecting it to be "triggered". The other night I went to a movie with friends. I kept checking my phone during the movie,couldn't figure out why I was so anxiously waiting on a call/text. I just couldn't stop myself from looking at my phone screen. Then it hit me. Tyler ALWAYS called/texted when I was in a movie. Didn't matter if I talked to him before it started. He never failed to interrupt. Used to drive me crazy. He was very impulsive and would need to tell me something immediately. He would be sorry to interrupt but couldn't stop himself. It never failed to drive me crazy...."

Tyler went out to eat with his Spanish class. He told them(even his teacher) that it was his birthday so that they would sing to him