Sleep

I have never been a good sleeper. Before May 18 I would stay awake until 1-2:00am and get up at 6:00am to go to work. After the accident, every time I would close my eyes,I saw images that upset me and kept me awake. I got a sleep aid prescription and it helped. Not perfect but it was better.

I haven't had any medication for sleeping in quite a while. My new sleeping pattern? I stay up until 4-5:00am. It's around that time that I pass out on the couch watching television. Dean has asked several times why I don't just get in bed and try to sleep. I lay there and the "images" go through my head like a movie reel I can't turn off. Most of the time it's what I remember from the day of the wreck (a whole other blog post).Not very relaxing at all.


Back to my newest sleeping pattern. I stay up all night and get up to get the kids ready for school  (love seeing them in the morning) and take them. I get back home and fall back asleep in the recliner. I sleep until 1:00 or 2:00pm.I feel extremely guilty and try to get things done before I pick Rae up from school. The rest of the day/night is spent running the kids around to activities. The result of this new habit? The house is a mess, laundry is piling up, errands aren't getting done, etc. I have to break this cycle but it seems to be so hard.

On a better note, Dean and I spent a little time on Sunday together alone. It was good and we need to make more of an effort to do it more often. The death of a child can put a very real strain on a marriage. We can't talk freely about a lot of things when we have the children around. Also by the time he and I are both home in the evening(rarely before 8:00pm or later) we are both emotionally and physically exhausted. He has a class out of town next month that he would like me to go with him to. Rebekah will be on a school trip and the other two would stay with family/friends. I know it would be good for us but I am not sure about leaving Rae for four days.  We are talking about taking a trip for my birthday/anniversary in the early spring. We haven't taken a trip by ourselves since Tyler was an infant.

I have not done a thing today around here. Time to run around before mom gets here with Rae...

I always like to end with a picture(or two..or three..) Some of my favorites of Dean and Bekah